We Always Find Our Way Back Home
by Tadpole24
Summary: How does he explain a revenge that is so deeply laid in his bones that he can't let it go? How does he tell the woman that he loves that her love is not enough for him to give up on a centuries old grudge? Captain Swan in the wake of Gold's return.


_**I've had this sitting on my computer for weeks now and thought I had better finish it off and then BAM it was Liz's (sugarplumdreams) birthday, so hey, why not dedicate this one to a wonderful shipmate :) Happy birthday lovely lady! Hope it has been amazing!**_

_**This is set at the beginning of 4B. **_

…

We Always Find Our Way Back Home

…

She wakes up to a cold bed and immediately knows that something is wrong. Her heart beats fast in her chest and she chews her lip, wondering if Killian is still in the apartment or if he's gone already. It's happened before, this waking up to an empty bed and finding that the pirate is missing, and each time she feels a little more helpless.

She swings her legs over the side of the bed, stumbling to her feet and making a move for the front door of the little apartment she had bought only a few weeks ago. She's still getting used to the layout of the place and has to feel her way around the walls in the dark, making it impossible for her to be quiet in her approach for Killian. When she reaches him he's already facing her, expectant look on his face mixed with a sort of shame at being caught.

He's got his coat on, hand poised to open the door but, upon seeing Emma, he steps towards her, letting his fingertips drop from the exit. Her eyes meet his despite the dark and she can see fear in them. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asks, stepping closer and holding out a hand to cup his jaw.

He leans into her touch, closing his eyes and becoming lost in the feel of her. It's all so simple in moments like this, all his reasons for needing to leave disappearing. But it's only gone for a moment before he remembers it again and when his eyes flash open, Emma sees a void. Her hand moves down his neck and to his chest, feeling for his heartbeat just in case, because the last time she had seen him like this – blank eyes and stubborn resolve to keep away from her – he had been heartless.

But the steady beat meets her touch. She doesn't know if she's okay with that or disappointed though. If it's not his heart being controlled by an outside force, then maybe he just doesn't want to be around her.

He reaches up to grasp her fingers where they lay on his chest, pulling them to his lips and kissing them softly, "Darling, it's not you."

That he could see her fear and set her mind at ease almost brings tears to her eyes in relief. But still, there is something bothering him and if he's hurting, then so is she, "Then what?"

He's silent for a while, because how does he explain a revenge that is so deeply laid in his bones that he can't let it go? How does he tell the woman that he loves that her love is not enough for him to give up on a centuries old grudge?

"Please," she whispers.

And he crumbles at her plea, unable to keep a thing from her even if he tried. "The Crocodile…" he starts, "He's back and I…"

He stumbles over his words and she hushes him then, able to see how much it's hurting him. "Hey, it's okay."

"But I want nothing more than to kill him again. I wanted to let that go for you. I thought you were my reason to stop chasing this meaningless revenge. But I can't, Emma. I can't."

And finally there it is, laid bare for the love of his life to see. His true colours shining like an ugly flag waving in the wind. He's a pirate and a scoundrel who is selfish and menacing. That is who she has fallen for and any moment now, it will be the moment she rips her hand from his and tells him to leave.

To his surprise though, she grips his hand tighter and pulls it around her waist as she steps into his space. Her free hand comes to rest on his neck and she leans in to press her lips against his, "Killian, you have every right to be angry at Gold. He took something so precious from you and tried to use it against me. Hell, _I _want revenge on the guy." She pulls back enough that their eyes meet so that he can see her sincerity, "But you are not alone any more. And I know how hard it is to remember that sometimes because I forget it too. We're in this together now, okay?"

"But…"

"No. I love every part of you. I _choose _every part of you."

He closes his eyes, leaning in to kiss her forehead, "And I you."

"Then trust me."

He wishes he could express the extent to which he already trusts her, wishes that she could see inside of his mind, if only for a moment, just to know the depth of his feelings for her. "I do."

She places a finger over his lips then, because she can sense a 'but' coming. His mouth does move but he stops himself and they stay locked in a silent moment together. The hand on her back starts working in small circles of comfort, pressing their bodies closer together until Emma feels safe in her thoughts that he isn't going to run. Not tonight.

"Back to bed?" she whispers softly, pulling back slightly and tugging on his arm as she takes the first steps back towards their bedroom.

He begins to follow, but his reluctance can be felt. Emma turns back to meet his sad eyes as he asks, "What if I can't rid myself of these vengeful desires?"

She doesn't miss a beat in answering him, "Then we deal with that step by step," and he loves that she doesn't discount his fears, but still offers him that promise of working on them.

He follows her now when she pulls at his arm, quietly leading them back to bed. "Where were you going to go anyway?" she asks.

"I've been helping Belle tidy the library. She doesn't sleep all too well either."

Something in her heart pangs at that. As a saviour she is often tasked with looking at the big picture, what their latest danger is, and it can be easy to forget that people are still reeling from their last threat while the world has moved on. But it's exactly that which makes Emma sure that Killian will be okay. He has a good soul, a blindingly loyal heart and compassion unparalleled by anyone she has ever met.

She stops in the hallway, turning to face him. There will be a day when he needs to hear these words spoken aloud; she knows there will be a day when his control will betray him and rage will fill him. It will be then that she will say that she's always had faith in him to do the right thing, to be the better person and when he rebuffs her and tells her that she can't possibly know that, she will remind him of this moment right now.

"You should go," she whispers, hand resting over his heart.

"Hmm?"

She smiles and kisses the corner of his mouth, "Go help Belle. I'll bring you breakfast later."

.

.

It's a few hours later when Emma steps through the doors of the library with takeaway boxes of pancakes in hand. Belle greets her, waving from the step ladder she's on, "Killian said you might drop by."

She doesn't know why, but it fills her with a sense of pride that the rest of the town has abandoned his moniker as well. "Thought you might need some breakfast," she says, walking over to the counter and setting the food down there.

"Thank you," she replies and Emma is halfway through telling her it's not a problem when Belle grabs a hold of her wrist, "No. _Thank_ you." The sincerity in her eyes floors Emma for a moment and Belle continues in the silence, "I know it can't be easy…"

But it's Emma's turn to interrupt now, "Belle, you saved his life. You sacrificed everything and you saved him. You don't need to thank me."

She smiles and then Killian enters the room from the back of the library, calling out behind him, "Will, there's food," and Emma is immediately drawn to what is happening here. She accepts the peck on the cheek the pirate gives her and then watches as Will Scarlet's eyes widen when he steps through the doorway. To his credit he does recover quickly, tipping an invisible hat at Emma with a cheeky smile, "Sheriff."

Emma nods back, silently glad that she had over ordered on the pancakes because of course he would be here; the lonely man who calls out for 'Anastasia' when he falls asleep in the holding cell by her office. Of course they'd all be here.

She remembers when she first came to town, how this building was the place that time started moving again, that this was the place that gave Henry hope. And it's doing it again.

Whether they realise it or not, they're all misfits in this town, all just looking for somewhere to call home. It's taken her finding her comfort to realise that everybody else is searching for the same thing as well.

She smiles back at Will, takes a seat next to Killian and starts eating pancakes.

As Belle tells them all about the new shelving that Marco is putting in this afternoon Emma leans her head on Killian's shoulder, grateful when she feels his hooked arm slide around her back. Revenge, chaos and evil lurk outside the doors to the library but, right now, it seems so far away and she couldn't be happier that she's not the only one who seems to have found home in this place.

…

_**Thoughts?**_


End file.
